The Gods of Golf ®

The Ultimate Golf Collectible and Gift

are talked about, thought about, hated and feared by golfers everywhere and for good reason. They make good shots go bad. They cause good swings to be hit fat or thin at the worst possible times. They cause putts to roll across holes as if they were covered in glass and they cause balls to defy the laws of physics. In fact they are responsible for almost every negative aspect of anyone's game. That's right, none of it is the golfer's fault. All the practice and play they have done would probably have made them touring pros if it weren't for the gods. Why do they do this you may ask?

It will all be explained in detail in the book that comes with each paining but here are the basics. Almost since human time began societies have invented gods to keep themselves on the straight and narrow. There were gods of everything and every activity and golf proved no exception. The "favors" of the golf gods are lavished on their victims in proportion to their breakage of "THE RULES OF GOLF" as arbitrarily formulated by a bunch of old fashioned, stuffy and snobbish old men in Scotland and at the USGA.

Do you doubt this is the case? Think back on your golfing experiences. How many times have you or others improved lies, ignored the loss of distance on an out of bounds ball, hit another's ball without counting the penalty or taken a mulligan? I thought so. Now if that wasn't proof enough look at the pros. The tour is one place that the rules are well known and scrupulously observed. It also is the place where the scores are the lowest. Enough said?

The gods look harmless and friendly in the painting don't they? Don't be fooled. Anyone of them would take delight in denying a golfer his only chance at a par round or in causing someone to lose to his arch rival with a triple bogey on the eighteenth after leading all the way. In short, they are not your friends. Learn more about them below and a lot more about them through your own reproduction and the book.

TM was a wannabe Siren of shipwrecking. She didn't make the cut but got a good offer to be on the pantheon of the links and here she is as the goddess of the water hazard. Sirena likes men and thinks her looks are better than they are as can be seen from her reflection. Looks aside, she does have an irresistable song that tempts golfers to try shots they can't make and miss shots they can make. If you play you have heard her song.

TM is the chief golf god. He makes sure each of the others ruin their share of scores. His specialty is on, as his name reveals, the putting green. He can turn the most expertly played hole into abject disappointment and tends to turn his attention mostly to golfers with low or no handicaps. He does on occasion force ordinary players into a four or five putt just for laughs and practice. Triputtus is a stern, no-nonsense god with about as much sympathy for a player as the marshal for a crowded, high-priced resort course would have for a group of slow playing, out of town tourists.

TM used to be Loki, the god of trickery before he was brought up to the majors. He was put in charge of all sand traps. He knows how to make your ball not only go in like matter into a black hole, but to stop where it is almost impossible to get out. If you think being in the footprint of a slob who is too good to pick up a rake is bad, consider this. Santrapiuis is shown in the painting causing a player's par three tee shot to land next to the cup, spin back off the green and dribble into the trap at the base of a three foot vertical front face and he is laughing all the time. This kind of thing is his stock in trade.

TM is little more than a common wino. He came to be a member of the fabulous foursome by accident. He never learned to play himself but he soaked up enough knowledge to be useful. Fortunately he also soaks up enough alcohol to be undependable as far as causing trouble with bushes and trees. He got his job during godly practice rounds because he spent so much time searching for a drink from his own kind in the woods and thickets.

He is an on again - off again god. All golfers have noticed this at times. From a distance many shots appear to have gone in the woods or gotten behind a strategically placed fairway tree but upon closer inspection there is a clear shot. At other times the ball is truly hooked and the only options are to take a drop or chip out sideways. Sometimes he is up and working and sometimes he isn't. Right now he is sleeping off a big one and it's a perfect time to cut off that dogleg.